I have a "secret". It's not really a secret but I'm not telling everyone what happened yesterday. It's not a big deal to anyone but those closest to me. It's a huge deal for me. Still, the ramifications are huge if I tell the whole world and then find out that the glee of yesterday doesn't extend thru the next few weeks. Plus, logic dictates that the odds are against us and therefore I need to keep a level head.
However, why I don't tell is different for different people.
I don't tell most of the people at work because I don't want 1000 questions in a couple of weeks when I may be sad. I also don't want the 1000 questions if it's good news and I'm not ready to share that good news with the world. Plus, I don't feel safe around most of these people and therefore I don't feel like letting them in to this very private time. I've told a couple of key people but I know they won't share that information with anyone else. Even if I just told the people I didn't mind at work, word would pass and I'd get comments and, well, I've decided not to share. Not like they really care anyways so what difference does it make to them? Except when they find out they weren't on the "to be told" list but I'll deal with that later if I get to.
We are open with family because we know that they are praying for us and it's good to keep them updated on the latest and greatest. It helps them to feel a part of all this and it reminds them to keep up the prayers. That usually leads to encouraging sentiments and those are always appreciated.
Some friends get told as a point of fact. "Hey, we did X the other day, just so you know" and they roll with that information and it's all good. Some friends are not told because they are in an emotionally unhappy place and it would be more harmful then helpful. I have a friend who got put on bedrest for the last month of her pregnancy and was scared. I waited until I found out that she gave birth and all was fantastic for mother and child. I have another friend who is going on this trek with me and is having the same success I am and she's very sad right now. I might birth a child and still not tell her! A friend is worried about her and so now I'm worried about her. She doesn't need to know about X right now and if it doesn't work in a couple of weeks, then I've done no harm in keeping that information from her. Could she figure it out on my FB page? Probably, but I'm not going to specifically point it out to her. For what purpose?
And those become the secrets of our joys and fears. We have things that go on in our lives that we can't share with the whole world. Some of us are sharers and that's just how we are. To not tell someone close to us about something major just about puts us over the edge. It's so natural to open my mouth and spill the beans. It's like telling me to think about breathing the next time I feel the uncontrolled desire to expand my lungs and suck in oxygen. Do I really need that breath? Will it hurt anyone if I do breath? I know that's silly but that's about the size of it when you consider the gears that have to be changed in my head. Good news? Bad news? Completely inconsequencial information that is huge to me but has no ramifications on anyone else? Doesn't matter!
The stupid part is that it dampens the highs and lowers the lows when a sharer can't share. Why? because we are social creatures. We are built and created to live and thrive in a social setting. Not just sharers, but everyone! To some extent, we all have the urge to share what is going on in our lives with another and get validation that who we are matters. That we aren't just a cellular being floating around with other cellular beings and no one interacts with one another and no one cares. My name is Cyndi and I matter to some people!
So, I keep some secrets and hold them close when I interact with certain people. Sometimes out of love and concern and sometimes out of self-preservation. If something comes of X then I'll change how I go about telling more people. Until then? It's probably best to keep this info to myself. It helps me to not get my hopes up just yet. Sound depressing? Nope, it's just logical.
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